Okay guys, I am Pissed Off with the Twilight Series and its legion of obsessive fangirls who obviously have not read GOOD literature in their lifetime.

Beware the Rant.

First of all, let me make something INCREDIBLY clear. Stephanie Meyer, never will, never CAN be and most definitely IS NOT the next J.K Rowling. Why? Because Rowling's books actually deserved the publicity and popularity they received. Stephanie Meyer is a freaking overgrown fangirl who fantasizes about sparkling vampires. Her writing style is immature and filled with nothing but fluffy romance and sappy descriptions and often useless angst.

I have pawed through the entire series and never have I actually come across anything remotely substantial to the plot. All that seemed to be there was Bella's "Oh Edward is soooooo handsome.... and soooo braveeee... and oooommg I wish *I* was a vampireee and whut omg? He left me? I'm soooo going to turn goothiiicc and emo wannabe depressive." and then later, just when you thought it couldn't POSSIBLY get worse, Bella becomes freakishly horny. Please, I almost preferred the faux angst in the second book.

The characterization in the book couldn't possibly get worse. Bella is so obviously Stephanie Meyer's dream self. Hum... She described what she thought Bella looked like as

“In my head, Bella is very fair-skinned, with long, straight, dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. Her face is heart-shaped—a wide forehead with a widow's peak, large, wide-spaced eyes, prominent cheekbones, and then a thin nose and a narrow jaw with a pointed chin. Her lips are a little out of proportion, a bit too full for her jaw line. Her eyebrows are darker than her hair and more straight than they are arched. She's five foot four inches tall, slender but not at all muscular, and weighs about 115 pounds. She has stubby fingernails because she has a nervous habit of biting them.”

Oh, would THIS fit your discription of Bella Stephanie Meyer?

[link]

Hm? OH WAIT. THAT'S A PICTURE OF YOURSELF. COINCIDENCE? I think not. -_-

(This was revealed to me by Jingwen FYI ;D)

Adding insult to injury for the people who actually have sense and are not horribly deluded by the massive amount of fluff, Bella is the epitome of a Mary Sue. Is she pretty? Why, No, I don't believe so. Is she smart? Oh, um. NO. Does she even have a good personality? Hm, oh gosh, Also a no. She's even CLUMSY, painfully, horribly, awkwardly clumsy which just SCREAMS "MARY SUE" with flashing neon letters. Why then Twilight fangirls of the world, does she manage to hold the interest of the oh so perfect and handsome Edward? Oh right, she smells good and he can't read her mind.

The latter reason can be essentially eliminated due to the reasoning that Edward can't read her mind, because (as a wise anti-twilight quote once told me) She doesn't freaking have one. There you have it folks, four freakishly thick books following the budding romance based entirely on one wanting to eat the other due to the "deliciously floral scent" that seems to accompany Bella's blood.

Lovely, I want to read them already.

NEWSFLASH TO THE FANGIRLS OF THE WORLD: *EDWARD'S HONESTLY NOT THAT GREAT*

Does Edward really have a personality? Oh, I'm sorry, I meant other than the stereotypical charismatic perfect guy who combined with elements that essentially make him a stalker.

Fangirls, if you say "YESOMGHETOTALLYFREAKINGDOESANDHE'SSODEEPANDANGSTYANDILOVEHIM" hint: YOU'RE FREAKING DELUSIONAL.

Thats all for now folks. I think there might be a part two once I remember the numerous other reasons I hate the overgrown cliched fanfic that somehow became published.

Feel free to comment you people who actually like the books I despise with all fibers of my being, I am itching for a debate on why this book deserves a FRACTION of the popularity it got.